Friday, June 20, 2008

Archive: Being Evil's Hard

To appease my readership of 5 people while I deal with a new job, I present a blog post from my dark days of Xanga and High School, enjoy!

**Being evil's tough - (The story of the ugliest looking good guy in Fable)**

default da mane. The name of my new avatar to be unleashed into the Xbox action RPG, Fable. I sat behind a coffee table in my family friend's game room. My family friends were strewn about in the room in varying stages of boredom.

The six of us were waiting around until 7:00pm because their parents were taking us to a dinner party. I asked the two brothers who owned the Xbox whether they were good or evil earlier and both said they were good. Thus I decided to play evil on my brief stint with the game. Gotta have a little Yin with your Yang, eh?(or is it vice versa... whichever)

I started off as a mischievous little boy. Punching guards in the back, vandalizing, bullying bullies and victims alike. Chalking up "evil" points seemed simple enough. The game had given me a mission: collect money to buy a gift for my sister's birthday. Hey, I thought to myself a chance to be really evil. Maybe I can buy her an old sock instead...

Then a bit of doubt hit me. Wow, that's pretty depraved for someone to dismiss even family members. However, I couldn't test my doubts. The game gave me one option: buy and give her to gift. So I walked over to the garden where little default's sister was playing. Out of that cutely modeled face came very a convincingly acted girl. I tried hitting her to maybe advance in an evil way.

"Hey," she says. "Quit that or I'll tell mum on you."

Jeeeez. Now what sibling hasn't heard that before. I'm supposed to be evil here, but I can't be mean to little girls...
Good thing they didn't give me a choice there. I'd have been hard pressed to do something nasty. I give her her gift and the story advances. Of course, there's good reason they don't let you be evil. When bandits raid default's village, they take the only two survivors: his mother and sister. This, of course leads to the main storyline in the game. I mean, if default couldn't even empathize with his own blood, there would be no point to the main storyline.

Anyway, little default finds himself in the great Hero's Guild after his village is sacked. After he grows in to a teenager he gets these claw scars across his face for being mischievous as a kid, I suppose. Quite bad ass, though.

After he graduates and becomes an official hero for hire.

So I send default running along a path and some villagers are being attacked by wasps. Natural video gaming instincts kick in and I attack the wasps and save the citizens. While I do so, the game gives me some "good" points. Wait a second. I’m supposed to be evil. Maybe I’m supposed to be killing these villagers instead... My thoughts are interrupted by cheering from the villagers.

“Easy when you know how, eh?” one of them says to default after he strikes down the last wasp.

Ok, so I won’t start my evilness with these guys.

Later, I talk to a barber and get a pony tail and one of those Chinese mustaches with the long, dangling ends. Gotta be intimidating to be evil. Now whenever I’d take missions, villagers who’d never seen default before were stuttering when he came around.

“H-Hello s-sir,” one lady greeted him as he walked by. Default’s new hair do, the claw scars and his skinniness made for one bad ass, if ugly bastard.

“Don’t look like no chicken chaser(what they call “farm boys” in the game) to me,” a guy said.

Hey, people. I saved your asses from evil, giant wasps and you’re scared of me? So I get default to stop and wave a greeting at them. The villagers become more friendly. That’s more like it, I think to myself. No wait… I’m supposed to be evil.

Default travels into a town. By now, my family friends in the game room are bored of my goodey-goodness and want to see how far the evil in this game can go.

“Punch that guard,” they tell me. “I thought you were going to be evil. Quit flirting and kill that woman. You’re the worst bad guy ever. Either kill that guy or flirt with him. Oh jeez, would you quit staring at yourself.”

Of course, I have to pause every five minutes to zoom into default’s ugly mug. It now has one of those friendly, toothey smiles that unintentionally emphasizes his skinnyness.

“That’s bad ass,” I think aloud.

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